I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
