OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
