i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
