i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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