I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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