Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
