first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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