arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
