What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
