Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
