My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
