I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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