So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
