to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My dick has a subreddit
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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