He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize