she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
