with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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