I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
