YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize