We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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