We named our party play list daddy issues
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
