i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
