Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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