You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
