i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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