She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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