yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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