he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
