Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
