Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
