Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
