Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
