ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
