i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
