Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
