two words...techno handjob
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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