I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
