I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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