If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
