It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
