Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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