I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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