You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
