the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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