if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize