So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
