I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
