Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
