btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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