How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
