The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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