how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
