Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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