she kept yelling 'call me bella'
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
