i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
