I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Vodka?
Forever.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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