so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
