the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Still dying that you shit outside
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
