He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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