Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
