dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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