Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
