"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize