The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
