so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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