Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
