We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
