It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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