In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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