he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
