took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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