then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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