I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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